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Assoonasitis

Need some help...

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Does anybody here know how to keep a fear dearg from getting into your sock drawer? I've had it up to here with this guy.

Also, I've been trying to coax a frightened Cat Sidhe out of a very small coin purse in which it is hiding for the better part of an hour. I'm not even sure how it got into the coin purse because it is clearly too large for it.

Is anybody else sick of these damned Fair People in their bedrooms? I can't concentrate like this.

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I don't have any cat food or prawns. Will Manwich work? Also, this fear daerg is really upset because I apparently did something and now his coat isn't red any more? It still looks red to me. Whatever. He keeps cutting up my socks and when I try to grab him he bites my hand and his teeth are really sharp and it's starting to hurt a lot.

Also: advice on getting Cat Sidhe urine out of a very small coin purse? I think the little guy got so scared he piddled.

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The púca who were, up until minutes ago, simply throwing folded clothes around have now started shrieking and beating me about the head. I don't think they like the fire. This is a real mess, but I'm very thankful for all of your advice, Sathra. You're the only one trying to help.

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I'm hoping that Freelandr comes in at some point. He seems up on this sort of thing.

In related news, apparently the shrieking of the púca has attracted a large number of sluagh and now my underpants are haunted. This day just keeps getting worse.

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There is one thing that can make your day better, thermonuclear fire, because it is clear to me that any other fire is inferior. I know a guy in Russia that can hook you up with a Tsar bomb, over 50 Megatons of blasting goodness and your troubles will just blow away (which tends to happen when someone is vaporized in the center of a nuclear explosion).

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I'm pretty confused guys. An update: since last night, my underpants aren't haunted any more, but the sluagh have taken to pulling on my hair and last night they kept flinging my bedcovers off of me. Also: having run out of socks and white shirts to cut up, the fear dearg has latched himself to my side and is poking me with a Q-tip. And the damn Cat Sidhe is still in the very small coin purse! Any help would be greatly appreciated. I am at my wits' end.

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Well, for the sluagh, you know who you should call? Those guys:

, they take care of problems with any type of spirit.

Cait Sith or Cat Sidhe, well either it's the guy working for Shinra remote controlling a puppet and just playing with you or it's a real one. In the first case you're out of luck and just have to hope he gets bored, in the second case, just put your purse in a fridge and make a fire somewhere close by. Cat Sidhe like warmth and abhore cold.

The fear daerg might also leave when he gets bored, but be happy that you don't have any powries or dunters in your house.

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I am thankful for the lack of powries and dunters. I am not, however, sure what Shinra Corporation has to do with the cat people? In any case, I put the very small coin purse in my refrigerator as suggested, but lacking a suitable fireplace I turned on my toaster oven, which seems to have done the trick. Now I just have a very small coin purse that smells like urine. Also, in addition to prodding me constantly, the fear daerg has called on a few of his leprechaun friends and they now keep me up at night fixing shoes, the little bastards. Anybody know how to deal with a leprechaun infestation?

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Leprachauns are easy to deal with, they like gold, they love it, so just give them the location of Fort Knox and everything should be fine. Have the US forces stationed there deal with them.

Alternatively, to remedy your troubles for all time, you could move to Germany, the fairy folk abhore this region and try to steer clear of it every chance they get.

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I would love to move to glücklich Deutschland where I don't have to deal with this crap (just the other crap from there), but my schooling and family are in Canada right now, so at best that will have to wait.

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